This week, Lucile responds to Stéphane, who tells her about his submissive status and his search for the perfect dominatrix.
“It’s complicated” is a kind of letter from the modern heart in which you tell your stories – in all their complexity – and where a columnist answers you. This columnist is Lucile Bellan. She is a journalist: neither a shrink, nor a doctor, nor a guru. She just wanted to talk about your problems. If you want to send him your stories, you can write to this address: cestcomïque.email@example.com.
You can also leave your message on our voice mailbox by calling 07 61 76 74 01 or by Whatsapp at the same number. Lucile will answer you soon in “C’est complicated, le podcast”, the episodes of which you can find here .
And to find the previous chronicles, it’s this way .
I have been submissive since childhood. I didn’t realize it until later, but my first emotions go back to school. I looked at my Mistress’s heels and couldn’t concentrate on the lessons. The sight of her beautiful heels and shapely legs troubled me… And I couldn’t explain it. This continued during adolescence, I developed a deep admiration for women, their legs, their feet… When one was firm towards me, I was fascinated. I fell in love with her beauty, her charisma. I wanted to obey him obediently, it was stronger than me.
However, I tried to curb my desires that did not conform to what society expected of me. Because yes, I was unhappy not to understand why I was not like other boys of my age. Why wasn’t I that proud boy who plays tough and is loved by all girls. Until the day I broke down and tried to confide in my best friend at the time. He couldn’t think of anything better to do than tell my secrets, and called me a “fagot.” It must be said that when you grow up in a small town in the countryside, people are not very open-minded. Maybe it would have been different in a bigger city, I don’t know.
Quoi qu’il en soit, je ne comprenais pas pourquoi il ne pouvait pas s’empêcher de me juger aussi négativement. Moi son ami, pourquoi il ne pouvait pas accepter qui j’étais vraiment. J’en ai beaucoup souffert et je me suis refermé sur moi-même, tout en continuant de développer ma sexualité, à travers mes fantasmes de soumission aux femmes et leurs jambes sublimes.
Towards my 19 years, I was finally able to put a word on my state, I discovered then “submissive” and “fetishist”. Thanks to the internet I was able to do research, and understand that I could cure my suffering. I have to say that it saved my life, because I finally found people who like me, submit to women and find their happiness as well. Foot fetishists, leg fetishists, female body fetishists… So many people in my case, it reassured me. I was neither crazy nor sick, I was just different from the majority.
I discovered several websites, which allowed me to come into contact with women claiming to be domineering. I admit that these sites did not inspire much confidence, but the envy was too strong. In front of the photos of these women, I felt so weak, hypnotized by their legs, grabbed by the beauty of their feet. I wanted to serve and worship them. I had to make up my mind to live out my desires more freely, and then, behind a screen, we are still less afraid to indulge.
This is how I made my first fetish orders. I bought the socks of a very beautiful young woman, while being stressed about being ripped off. It was not missing, no luck for me, I never received anything from him. I knew this site didn’t inspire confidence, but I did. I regretted being had, I felt abused but I did not give up, decided to find the one who would change my life to make me her devoted submissive at her feet.
I wandered for a long time on these different sites, forums, articles… I exchanged with other men in my case, I was reassured to see some happy to have finally found their Mistress. Apparently it was not easy to find one, because they were in great demand on all sides… Finally, there were so many men in my case, I could never have imagined that. So I did not lose hope, I had to persevere until I found the one who would understand me, the one I would make happy by showing her my devotion at every moment. Too bad if she lived on the other side of the world, we would have a long-distance relationship.
I didn’t need physical contact with her, as long as it was HER. I was not at all interested in “normal” relationships, say “vanilla”. I didn’t need physical contact, I didn’t want a girlfriend, she would have been unhappy as I am not a “classic” man as expected in a relationship.
So I persevered. Until the beginning of December at the end of last year. I learned that a new fetish site was opening its doors, a French site. With French women. A wonderful Christmas present for me. I hastened to go and register in the hope of finally finding the chosen one. Finally a clear site, which does not give the impression that fetishism is an obscure and unhealthy desire. And then all these female profiles made my head spin… until I saw her picture. I knew straight away that it was HER. The one I’ve been looking for all my life. The absolute Mistress.
I wanted to do everything to earn her attention and serve her. I started by buying his videos, and there: what a slap! She succeeded in perfectly defining all my fetishistic desires. I cried with happiness in front of his videos. I bought almost all of her creations, knowing then that I was made for HER. I sent him a first message to introduce myself, and offer him a virtual interview to get to know each other. She immediately accepted. After paying for my order (as a submitted voucher, I would never have allowed myself to use my time without a contribution in exchange), we met on Skype, the exchange went wonderfully well, I was able to to discover it as natural as in its videos… And since then we do not leave each other. Maybe everything is virtual,
Over the past five years, I have answered a lot of questions, but I have to admit that a lot of the testimony I receive does not include openly worded questions. Like others, you do not ask yourself questions. But this time, despite everything, I chose to publish your words and add mine. The goal is to show that sometimes it’s not that complicated, at least seen from the inside. On the other hand, it happens that it is an outside look that brings judgment, guilt and in a word, complication. You have experienced it yourself.
I am fundamentally convinced that everyone should be free from their fantasies and desires as long as they do not harm others. I have a very high tolerance threshold when it comes to sexuality… if I have the assurance that the consent of the other is respected (if there is another). But I also know how normative society can be when it comes to desire. And how much is expected of men to correspond, just as much as women, to pre-established codes, often heteronormous, based on the penetration of the other and the excessive valorization of virility. It is obviously an injustice against which feminists are fighting by rejecting the patriarchal system and by pushing to question masculinity. It is about no longer offering a single model, but many different ways of living his life as a man.
You have decided to accept who you are, you have suffered from it, but over the years you have developed ways to live out your desires without putting yourself in danger. I am sorry to know that you are the victim of this absurd system. The Internet, like the Minitel in its time, has indeed enabled many people to benefit from a space of expression and the facilitation of contacts. As far as your inclinations are concerned, and if you are not already there, the social network FetLife , specializing in BDSM, seems to me to be the ideal place to meet people, inform yourself and develop your universe.
Let me add, even if you seem to already know it, that you are not alone, that nothing is wrong with your approach and that you should have the right to live out your desires without fear of being judged by. those with whom you speak about it. It’s just you, it’s part of your personality and therefore part of your wealth. Don’t be alone with all of this, alone with your mistress. The Internet is a good space for discussion and meeting, but it is also possible that lunches are organized near you. These aperitifs-meetings between BDSM practitioners take place in public spaces and serve to discuss and exchange experiences and advice. We would like to confine BDSM to dungeons and the nightlife, it is not. The Bible The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Harding develops a very positive and joyful, totally creative and non-guilt-free vision of submission.
This is just the start of your journey. I wish you to find there the fulfillment that you seek. You seem to be on the right track.