In this article I want to share with you the preview of the amazing things I am preparing to be near you even though we cannot physically see each other right now.
Do you like the idea? I am sure of yes and above all I am convinced that you will smile at the end of this article.
Many have told me that you want to be at my feet.
Physically at the moment it’s just a postponed possibility, but let’s try together to relive the pleasure of a fetish session with me.
What do you love about Fetish Sessions?
The great chats and laughs you can have together?
Because if I decide to make the Tickling (torture erotic tickling) and suffer .. I know you have no chance … you tie his hands and feet and can only laugh and beg for mercy while the fingers of my feet and hands will tickle parties more ticklish.
The smell of feet ? Ok we said it’s only postponed … Try closing your eyes and imagine my feet just taken off my shoes after a day of walking in the scorching sun, the smell fills the room, you find it a pungent smell and I oblige you to smell my socks and kiss my feet still wet … then when I decide I put the socks in your mouth .. and I go down with my fingertips to control your orgasm, because I am your mistress and I decide for you, when you can or can’t explode … as long as I feel like it …
I recently discovered an extremely funny practice … When you write to me:
“Do you do this practice?”
Initially, things always seem so absurd to me, especially because I don’t know them…. then when instead I decide to try something new and I like it … well I share it very happy with others!
The sploshing is a kind of pie in the face … when I was asked … and I decided to do it … well the fetishist in question could not begin to imagine what I would have combined … of course as you can see in the picture I have limited the face only… I highly recommend you if you want to try it to bring you a change of clothes… because I have no mercy !!! ?
This is a photo of an experience with this sploshing practice then finished with the footjob … ?
It’s nice to know that many have looked for me directly and indirectly despite the fact that I don’t write for continuous periods…
I know that someone has asked about me on the forums and other users…. many others have contacted me directly. This certainly confirms the fact that I leave a trace where I pass and not just sweat … ?
I am writing this post to update us a little and respond a little in general also to those who follow me … and have never had the courage to write to me .. .. (As I always say … it is true that I am greedy … but I don’t eat anyone , try to write to me intelligently (with a complete description and perhaps specifying how long you have been following me and how you found me) and you will see ?
As many know, in early November I would have spent a few days in Emilia Romagna to participate in a business event, I could have given someone in the area the opportunity to enjoy my fragrant feet a little .
Unfortunately, the new Anti Covid provisions have blocked everything.
In this particular phase I decided to create something INNOVATIVE …
I like to surprise those who follow me and those who rely on me….
Do you want to know what it is?
Wait for the publication of the next article with these fantastic news.
In this graphic I show the most important stages of my fetish journey .
Well when I got to know the world of foot fetishism , a bit for fun, a bit out of curiosity, I never imagined creating everything I created, and finding myself where I am today.
I want to clarify that my Infographic is to visually understand how the time line is written, what I wrote is obviously not predictable, but if I had decided many years ago that after 10 years I would have been an authoritative and recognized fetish girl , ( as they are today ) well maybe not exactly the same steps, but definitely I could have done a similar path, my result is the result of a passion, there was never anything planned , this is also demonstrated by the discontinuity that I have had over the years writing this blog.
How does the Timeline work ?
First and foremost your goal must depend EXCLUSIVELY on YOU , no one else can be involved, otherwise it can’t work. Only you can decide to do things for yourself and carry them out.
Imagine to be the person you want to be in 18 months. .. (it is very important to establish a date), whether the topic is fetishism, love, work, the house you want, if you want a dog or change city … imagine each of these aspects of your life well : go into as much detail as possible without any limit to your imagination.
Experience the feelings of who you have become, then look back and write down everything you have done to get to where you are, the difficulties you have had to overcome and how you have overcome them.
The game is done.
So starting from the Future, I create the Present that I desire.
It is important to give yourself a date of 18 months, and to do everything possible to respect what we have chosen to do and become .
I add a practical example to deepen the concept:
Let’s assume that you live in an old house and decide to renovate it because there are things you don’t like or would like to improve …
Let’s start from the end, imagine exactly how you will feel when the house is finished, what color you want the walls, the type of furniture, the sofa, if you want a large kitchen, if you want to change the layout of the rooms, maybe you want to enlarge or tighten spaces, listen to the music you will hear when the house is ready, imagine the scent of dishes ready for dinner with friends, or if you love games, imaginethe noise you will make with your friends as you all play together with a cold beer in hand.
From there, think back to all the steps you took one at a time, and write them all down . You have probably bought new furniture or restored it. What choices did you make? You have asked for authorizations for particular jobs, you have lived for some time perhaps in uncomfortable spaces , if the money was not enough you will have worked for a while to find a way to gain more time, you will have sacrificed your free time … but today you have the results are only 18 months .
With this awareness and after having done a careful work on paper, start immediately from the first thing you want to do to realize your home or whatever your goal is, which depends only on you! Have a good trip ?
The list of fetishes is as long and irrational as that of phobias. This is what emerges from studies carried out for decades by researchers on the subject.
Fetishism: male name
Def .: Deviation of the sexual impulses of a subject on a substitute erotic object which can be a specific part of the body (hair, breasts, buttocks) as well as an object (clothing, shoes).
The term fetishism was first used in 1887 by a psychologist, Alfred Binet . Sigmund Freud will soon follow suit and will of course locate the cause of this perversion in the “ early childhood ” of his patients . If a man is a fetishist, it is because the little boy noticed the absence of a penis in women. And so, the fetish is his means of substituting for this lack. Smart.
Why these irrational impulses? Where do these weird fantasies come from? Since then, researchers remain fascinated by the question and never stop observing their fetishistic subjects, studying and classifying their practices, qualified or not as deviant according to the societies and the times.
The researchers also tortured their brains to find a precise definition of fetishism. Where does it stop? Does it necessarily have to involve an object? Or must it be a sign of a psychiatric problem? Can he be a passenger?
Fetishism has finally officially entered the list of disorders Paraphilic , in the International Classification of Diseases and in the DSM IV (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). A paraphilia is an “intense sexual experience linked to atypical objects, situations, individuals’ ‘ . There is a non-exhaustive list here , between the classic mammophile (breast fetishism), nasophilia (nose fetishism) and trichophilia (hair and hair fetishism), and the most surprising: “Symphorophilia” (attending an accident car), Knismolagnie (tickling) and”Formicophilia” (collapsing under insects).
Bodies and objects
In 2004, as the Guardian recalls , a group of Swedish and Italian researchers even sucked data from hundreds of online fetish discussions (to be precise, the guinea pigs were English, around 50,000 and very verbose on the subject on ” Yahoo ! discussion groups ” ) to be able to classify each fetishist tendency according to its gender and frequency among the population . This is a first: until now, the data studied have mainly come from testimonials from patients in psychiatric hospitals or in therapy.
Unsurprisingly, it is the foot and toe fetishists who are the most numerous, followed closely by the obstinate ones of bodily fluids (blood, urine, tears …), of the size of the body (thin, fat, small, big). The less coveted fetishes are those related to nails, nose, neck, and body odor.
Barefoot bodybuilders or smoky women playing ball
Researchers differentiated these fetishes related to the body from those related to objects. Thus, in the second table, we find at the head the stockings, the skirts, the shoes and the clothes. Few people – but there are still many of them – covet diapers, hearing aids, catheters and pacemakers.
Of course, to fill in the boxes of their table, the researchers had to group them together. So, since they didn’t know where to classify those who like “barefoot bodybuilders ” or “female smokers who play ball ” , they redistributed them into various categories like “feet ” or “muscles ” .
In a world of 7 billion people, the list of fetishes is as long and irrational as that of phobias. Researchers are constantly catching up in this area. A new study entitled “Thematic analysis of the dacryphilia experience ” by Mark Griffiths and Richard Greenhill has just been published in the International Journal of Sexual Health . Griffiths teaches us that “dacryphilia is a non-normative sexual interest that involves the enjoyment or arousal associated with tears or crying and, to this day, has never been studied empirically . ” Good reading.
Between immense exercise of gaydar and uninhibited sexual fetishism, competition provides a way to admire athletes in a more erotic setting than usual.
Many articles were published on LGBT issues at the Rio Olympics, whether it be the number of openly LGBT athletes, reflecting better visibility in sport (the Outsport site lists all the athletes in question and their news) or controversies such as the publication of an article outlining a few gay athletes on the Grindr application or that on the rumor of a hypothetical “Fad, go” Teddy Riner in the final of judo. In fact, the mainstream media are looking at the attraction of gays for sport because, for them, the Olympics are a way to admire athletes in a more erotic setting than usual.
Since the Los Angeles Olympics, I have always been interested in the aesthetics of the Olympics. At the time, it was one of the rare moments on television where men undressed between two competitions. The Olympics showed partial nudity when the television was desperately modest. It was also one of the rare moments when we saw non-white athletes.
In the early 1980s, indoor gymnastics competitions were the pinnacle of the gay look then, which was very well illustrated by Bruce Weber in his collector’s issue of GQ in 1980 , which has become a benchmark for all style offices. . Later, in Atlanta, we must remember the aesthetic impact of Jean Galfione on the homosexual imagination with this famous tricolor photo which made all the covers of the newspapers. And if we talk less, lesbians too are attracted to athletic stars, their independence and their looks. Gays and lesbians know how to detect attitudes that reveal a different sexuality, not always confirmed by coming out: the Olympics are a huge exercise in gaydar, this sixth sense that allows us to recognize ourselves.
Rinse your eye, like straight guys
The New York Times can therefore easily wonder why gays love the Olympics. Bah, is it not obvious? We are also there to rinse the eye, like the straight guys.
And these big competitions are also exciting when it comes to sports aesthetics. With each edition, the equipment progresses, the bikes and the combinations of the indoor cyclists evolve, the jerseys of the sports delegations create new color combinations. Fencers have luminous helmets, the makeup of gymnastic sportswomen becomes radiant, new artistic ideas feed, it must be said, fantasies and fetishes. The Olympics are a mine for sexual niches, textiles or not.
With a number of assertive LGBT athletes who have doubled since the London Games, we can also watch the Olympics from a militant angle, for example with the selfie of two openly gay diving heroes, the American Greg Louganis, who has won several titles. in Los Angeles and Seoul, and Briton Tom Daley, two-time bronze medalist in London and Rio. The admission of trans athletes is also very closely monitored. We can therefore also be offended by the article (since withdrawn) which went to look for gay athletes on Grindr : personally, I think that when we are on Grindr, it is as if we were visible to the eyes of all seen the success of this flirt app.
But we can also watch the Olympics from an almost pornographic angle. As this article noted , sports cameras sometimes have a knack for filming prep moments that look like soft porn, especially during diving exercises. But it’s also because some porn studios do exactly that, like the famous Sean Cody, who always begins his scenes with muscular young people doing sports before fucking. It’s not just sex, it’s sex AFTER the sport.
One other item of Slate wondered why beach volleyball players keep their shirts while female athletes in the same discipline have much more revealing swimsuits. If this light porn aspect is noticed, it is because athletes play with their image, like this South Korean judo team which shows its abs . It looks like an ass movie trailer.
The Wall Street Journal asserts what we all know: In droves, male gymnasts choose to be objectified while for women, the process is more personal. Men are less offended when it comes to their appearance, although sports commentators are less comfortable talking about male erotica when they keep cursing the appearance of women.
Sport = sex
The Olympics are a universal moment of partial nudity, which also poses a religious problem in some countries. The decoupling between noble Olympic sport and sexuality is over. In 2014, Time posted a quick recap of sexual activity in previous games and noted that all sportspeople in Sochi had a Tinder account. There is an overload of eroticism in this gathering of the greatest sportsmen in the world and the imagination is rife when we imagine the atmosphere of the Olympic village. Let us remember the Barcelona Olympics, which were particularly hot, and the explosion, already, of connections to Grindr during those in London.
We can therefore watch the Olympics only because sport reveals the muscles of a superman like Teddy Riner. We really have eyes that hurt when he appears and it’s always fascinating to note the difference between the official photos of these athletes on Google and the stealth images during which their anatomy is revealed (my photo of Teddy Riner on Tumblr collected over 230 likes).
Sport is the social manifestation of physical and therefore, sometimes, sexual superiority. There is no internalized homophobia in admiring straight men and women when you are gay or lesbian, but rather a bond that unites us. Straight guys let themselves be admired and gays live in the open. It’s summer’s sexy Olympic gift.
Video creators, who often show up in their private lives, aren’t spared by foot fetishists.It was May 16, 2016. Claire, from the blog and the channel “Le Monde according to Claire”, uploads a video about a product for the foot and offers the title “It’s very weird … But j ‘ have baby feet! ” . “In this video, I was testing a product supposed to give baby skin on the feet ,” she explains to Slate.fr by phone. I told myself that this medium was more interesting than a post on my blog. ” In the introduction of this video, she dares a little joke: “I think, and I am even certain that, if you watch this video, it is either because the title dumbfounded you, or because you subscribed to my channel. or because you are a foot fetishist. “
Despite her doubts about the appeal of her video, Claire was unaware that it would become the second biggest hit on her channel, now totaling almost 50,000 views. She was also unaware that it was largely thanks to foot fetishists, who then inundated her with sometimes disturbing comments and messages. “I remember an email I received, with a photo of a naked man watching my video paused on a moment when my feet are seen.”
Claire is obviously not the only one to receive this kind of message. The foot fetish community is much bigger than you might think, on the internet in general, and on YouTube in particular.
“Frankly, without socks it was the best”
One of the specificities of videographers on YouTube is to film themselves in the privacy of a home, often in a bedroom. It is therefore not uncommon to come across videos of (very) young women barefoot or in socks. Something that happens more rarely with movie stars, whom we meet more on the red carpets. In addition, these web celebrities often have more activity on social networks, where they post photos and stories of themselves at the beach or by the pool. This is an endless pool of images for anyone with a passion for feet.
In a few clicks, you can find “best-of” videos dedicated to EnjoyPhoenix, Léa Choue, and especially Chelxie. A 21-year-old man, who maintains the YouTube channel and the @Lefetichist Twitter account, tells us that he first made compilations about people like EnjoyPhoenix “to attract clicks, since she is a very famous YouTuber” . “I watch a lot of videos from her YouTube channel and as soon as I see feet I upload the video and when I have enough videos I edit it all.”
The most striking example comes from Chelxie, a 27-year-old videographer, who shares her passion for video games, her dog Moshie and jokes with her playmates every week. As early as February 2015 , Google search suggestions offered “foot” behind its name. On Instagram, some comments on the subject gradually emerge as soon as she lets glimpse her legs .
Contacted via Twitter, the person who manages this account introduced himself to Slate.fr as a 26-year-old woman living in Paris. “I admire the female foot, it’s not a sexual fantasy either, but I appreciate the sight of pretty female feet,” she wrote . I realized that a lot of people were following Chelxie and dreamed of seeing her feet because at the time we didn’t have any pictures. ” She began to accumulate images where every tip of Chelxie’s foot was visible and started the count in stride. His subscribers quickly allowed him to expand his “collection”. “Since my account has grown, she [Chelxie] has been making ‘dedications’ to this account via social media and as I follow her I see it quickly.My main concern is not to make Chelxie feel embarrassed or harassed. She takes it as a joke because she doesn’t know much about fetishism. But I try to keep limits in the words. “
Film yourself peeling a banana with your feet
Julia Gameuse and Chelxie, who take it all as a joke, are still exceptions on YouTube. Most videographers often find it difficult to hide their embarrassment with fetishists.
With her educational and taboo-free channel dedicated to love and sexuality, videographer Léa Choue ( and author of a book published at the end of June, Dear Me ) is regularly confronted with fetishists.
I put it there. But, as long as the guy wants to touch himself on it, intimate part or not, you keep your desires to yourself. Thank you. pic.twitter.com/187HP5hDYi
— LeaChoue (@LeaChouee) May 24, 2017
“The problem is not being a fetishist, ” Léa Choue explained to us by phone . The problem is, asking someone for a part of their body that turns you on. I am often told that it is not the same as if I was asked for a picture of my chest or my buttocks, but it is the same thing. ” The pedious soles, or soles of the feet, are often the most popular. Since then, she has paid even more attention to the way she shows off on the internet. “On Snapchat, my photos of my feet are screened as much [screenshot, editor’s note] as my photos where I have a cleavage. Now I pay attention to everything I post on Instagram and Snapchat, whether it’s the cleavage or the feet. I try not to show my bare feet or even in socks. “
“Everyone is free to lead their life as they see fit, but my subscribers are between 15 and 20 years old and that can be a problem, adds Claire, from Le Monde according to Claire. For example, I had subscribers who had posted comments to say that they wanted to test the cream, and other anonymous accounts replied to them asking them to send their feet in photos for a hundred euros. I found that completely out of place. ”
The blogger and videographer points out here an underlying problem that we don’t talk about too much. Because if these creators are adults and able to fight against abuses themselves, teenagers or very young girls take a risk by showing themselves on YouTube. From the end of 2013, the Vocativ site noted that a certain number of foot fetish Internet users launched challenges to these young videographers . A young girl, “sdioo3”, then accepted a request from a certain “Albert Einstein” who asked her to show the soles of her feet for five minutes. Another teenage girl even agreed to peel a banana with her feet. These methods illustrate another side of the exploitation of children’s videos by malicious people on YouTube., which we told you about a few months ago. Nonetheless, when it comes to the foot fetish community, it’s important to distinguish between this type of perversion and what fetishism actually is.
Foot fetish is not a perversion
On the internet, research on fetishism immediately takes us to pornographic sites. This corresponds to the cliché established around this subject: fantasizing on feet is necessarily associated with sexuality, submission and, by extension, a form of perversion.
However, many sites have explained in recent years that this attraction, more “normal” than one thinks, has existed since Antiquity , that Freud had studied it and found there a phallic symbolism, and that Tarantino made it. a recurring motif in his films . On his site , Pingoo, himself a fetishist, also details in 2012 that being a foot fetishist is first of all “to experience an emotion or a disorder in front of a bare foot.” Some even take it very seriously. WikiFeetis a site for foot fetishists whose goal is to rank celebrity feet using a sophisticated voting system. There are many YouTubers there, including EnjoyPhoenix or Andy tells. Its creator, Israeli Eli Ozer, recently claimed in an interview with Haaretz to have more than three million monthly users . He too wanted to defend this attraction which worries some:“Foot fetishists are often seen as freaks or perverts. We are talking about men of all ages and from all strata of the population, who have stable jobs, people who contribute, who are productive and whose feet it turns out to like. When you understand that, it’s not necessarily worrying, and then you can look at it differently. ”
The different definitions of the word, proposed by the Larousse , summarize well the tension which reigns around the meanings to be given to fetishism: it is as much a question of a “deviation of the sexual impulses” as a “scrupulous respect, an admiration without reserve for something for someone ” .
This is what makes the position of videographers on YouTube so difficult: it is about understanding the attraction of fetishists for their feet, without judging it, while doing the necessary pedagogy to avoid the sexualization of their body. A balance difficult to find when we know that these young women necessarily create a semblance of proximity with Internet users. Léa Choue made a video to address the subject, both to justify her refusal to send photos to those who request her, but also to deconstruct the stereotypes that surround them.
This week, Lucile advises Manu, a man whose taste for layers and woolen clothes threatens marriage.
Well here is my unusual story. Since I was little, around 8 I think, I have been drawn to diapers and woolen clothes. I remember adoring watching other children wear diapers, then one day I saw diapers for adults in the La Redoute catalog and there, it made me want to try … So I had a lot of happiness to look at these catalog pages. Over time, I learned more and with the internet in addition, I discovered a whole world that attracted me.
With my parents around 12-13 years old, I sometimes stole diapers for the children that my mother kept, I put them on in secret. Then I also tried on my mother’s woolen tights etc. I felt like in a cocoon, great, very comfortable and exciting…
Installed alone in my apartment, I was able to buy diapers in the supermarket and spend the evenings in this diaper. I also went to thrift stores on Saturday mornings to find woolen tights or pants. It often happened to me to spend evenings and days at home thus dressed. It was my favorite hobby.
My dream was to be able to be dressed in wool (not necessarily in a diaper, though…) in life… But that’s not possible, too shameful. I would be ashamed of it actually. So I was doing this in secret, in secret from everyone, except maybe my neighbors who could have seen me on the balcony …
I was fine in this state, so much so that I didn’t even have a girlfriend and when I did I cut the relationship short because I had a need for a return to diapers and wool, and I didn’t. Didn’t want my girlfriend to find out and if we were to live together I should have stopped everything… And that I couldn’t.
So I had my first sexual relationship at 27. I met my wife at 32, we got married at 35. I told her at the beginning of my interest in diapers, she is a nurse, one day I even asked her to bring me back from the hospital, which she did. I even showed him my woolen clothes. It didn’t bother her.
Then one day I asked her if I could put me in bed, she said yes but I could see she was distant afterwards, as if uncomfortable, which I understand. I never did it again in front of her.
When she came to live with me, I was happy but I suffered from having to stop my daily wellness habits. In short, I had to have a normal life …
Over time, my frustration grew, I was not well, I could not get closer to my wife because she did not like that I was in wool, she allowed me but I had some need every day. Suddenly, she lost her desire for me, and me for her … Vicious circle.
I continued to dress in wool at night every now and then (no diapers) during these years. Then in March 2014, she told me she wanted to leave. She left in July 2014. In the meantime, I learned that she had cheated on me for a year and a half …
I resumed my good old habits. Every evening, diapers and wool, even on holidays: a great and pure happiness! Then, after a few months, my wife made me understand that she wanted to come back, told me that I was like that but that I was the man of her life, that she could not live without me.
So she came back in July 2015, I believed that she would accept me like that and that I could be myself, I even imagined how much it would help me to get closer to her. I was so grateful, my love for her would grow.
Instead, nothing. On the contrary, she doesn’t want to hear any more about it… We followed couples therapy. I was pointed out, of course: in short, I have to stop all this.
I was wrong, I believed in the dream, I have the impression of having been fooled. Today, I can no longer speak with her, I am frustrated, embittered, irritable, I suffer to the point of wanting to end my life. I can’t get any closer to her, we’ve only had one sexual encounter since she came back …
I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel that I should stop everything but I can’t do it, I think about it all the time: consulting websites, I put myself in a diaper and in wool as soon as I am alone, I am always looking for moments alone …
It is becoming more and more of an obsession. I would have to get it all out of my head because it’s what everyone wants but I love it (it’s not alcohol or drugs, right?). Is it possible to remove this? And how? And will I miss it?
Please help me. I am lost, very unhappy; I can’t seem to talk about it. What should I do? Thank you so much.
No, your “thing” is neither alcohol nor drugs and you do not harm small animals or children. Under these conditions and in the limit where you do not impose your passion on anyone, I do not see why you should be ashamed of it, repress it or hide yourself.
That would probably not be the answer a shrink would give you, who could find under the guise of hours of therapy a deep reason for your inclinations, with the aim of making you fall into an “acceptable standard”.
Personally, I believe that if this situation gets worse and you become obsessed with it, it is because you are cornered and you feel like you have to restrict yourself. It’s the same process as the diet phases, when you deprive yourself of something, you end up thinking only of that. So all you have to do is learn to be reasonable.
Why not suggest that your wife leave you a secret garden, a time, a moment, a place, where only you can indulge your pleasures? Satisfied and with the feeling of being accepted, you might finally start to appreciate your relationship with her again.
If you were passionate about pétanque and the sport bored her, she would see no harm in you practicing alone, in your free time, why not accept this element of your personality as one would accept a passion or a hobby which we do not share the taste?
What bothers me is that while she can’t live without you, she makes a point of changing you. And thereby to torture you. In your case, I don’t believe in guilt. I believe that under these unhealthy conditions the obsession will only get worse. But in the acceptance, yes, maybe I see a salvation.
For her, for love, you could decide to change in violence. Or you could also learn to accept yourself, measure, enjoy, and then love again. If those close to you are not ready to hear how much pain you are in, do not hesitate to search the internet for people who share your tastes. In their testimonies, you may find the way.
You are not alone against the rest of the world, Manu. And don’t let yourself be changed if you don’t feel like changing. You don’t hurt, no one has to hurt you. Listen to your heart and protect yourself.
This week, Lucile responds to Stéphane, who tells her about his submissive status and his search for the perfect dominatrix.
“It’s complicated” is a kind of letter from the modern heart in which you tell your stories – in all their complexity – and where a columnist answers you. This columnist is Lucile Bellan. She is a journalist: neither a shrink, nor a doctor, nor a guru. She just wanted to talk about your problems. If you want to send him your stories, you can write to this address: cestcomïque.firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can also leave your message on our voice mailbox by calling 07 61 76 74 01 or by Whatsapp at the same number. Lucile will answer you soon in “C’est complicated, le podcast”, the episodes of which you can find here .
And to find the previous chronicles, it’s this way .
I have been submissive since childhood. I didn’t realize it until later, but my first emotions go back to school. I looked at my Mistress’s heels and couldn’t concentrate on the lessons. The sight of her beautiful heels and shapely legs troubled me… And I couldn’t explain it. This continued during adolescence, I developed a deep admiration for women, their legs, their feet… When one was firm towards me, I was fascinated. I fell in love with her beauty, her charisma. I wanted to obey him obediently, it was stronger than me.
However, I tried to curb my desires that did not conform to what society expected of me. Because yes, I was unhappy not to understand why I was not like other boys of my age. Why wasn’t I that proud boy who plays tough and is loved by all girls. Until the day I broke down and tried to confide in my best friend at the time. He couldn’t think of anything better to do than tell my secrets, and called me a “fagot.” It must be said that when you grow up in a small town in the countryside, people are not very open-minded. Maybe it would have been different in a bigger city, I don’t know.
Quoi qu’il en soit, je ne comprenais pas pourquoi il ne pouvait pas s’empêcher de me juger aussi négativement. Moi son ami, pourquoi il ne pouvait pas accepter qui j’étais vraiment. J’en ai beaucoup souffert et je me suis refermé sur moi-même, tout en continuant de développer ma sexualité, à travers mes fantasmes de soumission aux femmes et leurs jambes sublimes.
Towards my 19 years, I was finally able to put a word on my state, I discovered then “submissive” and “fetishist”. Thanks to the internet I was able to do research, and understand that I could cure my suffering. I have to say that it saved my life, because I finally found people who like me, submit to women and find their happiness as well. Foot fetishists, leg fetishists, female body fetishists… So many people in my case, it reassured me. I was neither crazy nor sick, I was just different from the majority.
I discovered several websites, which allowed me to come into contact with women claiming to be domineering. I admit that these sites did not inspire much confidence, but the envy was too strong. In front of the photos of these women, I felt so weak, hypnotized by their legs, grabbed by the beauty of their feet. I wanted to serve and worship them. I had to make up my mind to live out my desires more freely, and then, behind a screen, we are still less afraid to indulge.
This is how I made my first fetish orders. I bought the socks of a very beautiful young woman, while being stressed about being ripped off. It was not missing, no luck for me, I never received anything from him. I knew this site didn’t inspire confidence, but I did. I regretted being had, I felt abused but I did not give up, decided to find the one who would change my life to make me her devoted submissive at her feet.
I wandered for a long time on these different sites, forums, articles… I exchanged with other men in my case, I was reassured to see some happy to have finally found their Mistress. Apparently it was not easy to find one, because they were in great demand on all sides… Finally, there were so many men in my case, I could never have imagined that. So I did not lose hope, I had to persevere until I found the one who would understand me, the one I would make happy by showing her my devotion at every moment. Too bad if she lived on the other side of the world, we would have a long-distance relationship.
I didn’t need physical contact with her, as long as it was HER. I was not at all interested in “normal” relationships, say “vanilla”. I didn’t need physical contact, I didn’t want a girlfriend, she would have been unhappy as I am not a “classic” man as expected in a relationship.
So I persevered. Until the beginning of December at the end of last year. I learned that a new fetish site was opening its doors, a French site. With French women. A wonderful Christmas present for me. I hastened to go and register in the hope of finally finding the chosen one. Finally a clear site, which does not give the impression that fetishism is an obscure and unhealthy desire. And then all these female profiles made my head spin… until I saw her picture. I knew straight away that it was HER. The one I’ve been looking for all my life. The absolute Mistress.
I wanted to do everything to earn her attention and serve her. I started by buying his videos, and there: what a slap! She succeeded in perfectly defining all my fetishistic desires. I cried with happiness in front of his videos. I bought almost all of her creations, knowing then that I was made for HER. I sent him a first message to introduce myself, and offer him a virtual interview to get to know each other. She immediately accepted. After paying for my order (as a submitted voucher, I would never have allowed myself to use my time without a contribution in exchange), we met on Skype, the exchange went wonderfully well, I was able to to discover it as natural as in its videos… And since then we do not leave each other. Maybe everything is virtual,
Over the past five years, I have answered a lot of questions, but I have to admit that a lot of the testimony I receive does not include openly worded questions. Like others, you do not ask yourself questions. But this time, despite everything, I chose to publish your words and add mine. The goal is to show that sometimes it’s not that complicated, at least seen from the inside. On the other hand, it happens that it is an outside look that brings judgment, guilt and in a word, complication. You have experienced it yourself.
I am fundamentally convinced that everyone should be free from their fantasies and desires as long as they do not harm others. I have a very high tolerance threshold when it comes to sexuality… if I have the assurance that the consent of the other is respected (if there is another). But I also know how normative society can be when it comes to desire. And how much is expected of men to correspond, just as much as women, to pre-established codes, often heteronormous, based on the penetration of the other and the excessive valorization of virility. It is obviously an injustice against which feminists are fighting by rejecting the patriarchal system and by pushing to question masculinity. It is about no longer offering a single model, but many different ways of living his life as a man.
You have decided to accept who you are, you have suffered from it, but over the years you have developed ways to live out your desires without putting yourself in danger. I am sorry to know that you are the victim of this absurd system. The Internet, like the Minitel in its time, has indeed enabled many people to benefit from a space of expression and the facilitation of contacts. As far as your inclinations are concerned, and if you are not already there, the social network FetLife , specializing in BDSM, seems to me to be the ideal place to meet people, inform yourself and develop your universe.
Let me add, even if you seem to already know it, that you are not alone, that nothing is wrong with your approach and that you should have the right to live out your desires without fear of being judged by. those with whom you speak about it. It’s just you, it’s part of your personality and therefore part of your wealth. Don’t be alone with all of this, alone with your mistress. The Internet is a good space for discussion and meeting, but it is also possible that lunches are organized near you. These aperitifs-meetings between BDSM practitioners take place in public spaces and serve to discuss and exchange experiences and advice. We would like to confine BDSM to dungeons and the nightlife, it is not. The Bible The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Harding develops a very positive and joyful, totally creative and non-guilt-free vision of submission.
This is just the start of your journey. I wish you to find there the fulfillment that you seek. You seem to be on the right track.
The recent controversies and the success of the pages dedicated to the denunciation of racism on dating applications testify to the fetishization of which racialized people can be the object. Online or in real life, they are sometimes treated as experiences to be tested and often have to deal with unbridled stereotypes and exoticization. Even in the upper stages of a relationship, they are not always immune.
Concerned people tell of the obsession of some of their partners (or who were) for discriminating clichés and remember the dehumanizing comparisons they have heard even under the covers. Between exoticization and devaluation, racism interferes in the intimacy of certain mixed couples.
“If I were a racist, I would not be in a relationship with you”, once launched the ex of Inès to defend herself from the accusations of this production manager of Moroccan origin. It is on this allegedly unstoppable argument that most of the discussions that revolve around racism in the couple seem to stumble. This reasoning is just as flawed as that of the famous “black friend” brandished like a joker to show a white paw.
The intimate spheres, in love as in friendship, are far from being immune to the inequalities that run through society. “This logic is unfounded, slice Grace Ly , author and co-host of the podcast Kiffe your race that will deal with this matter on 1 st October. Does that mean that, as a racialized person, I would be immune to racism? That a woman couldn’t be sexist? Whoever we are, we remain the product of society. “
For Robin Zheng , philosophy professor at the origin of an article on fetishism which Asians f have been , think this is “ignore the differential treatment of historical facts based on racialized phenotypes.” In other words, it means believing that discrimination is the concern of only a few individuals and that it is not part of a larger reality; it is to think that racism is not systemic and that love, like a shield, would be able to put an end to the external influence exerted by an unequal society. Institutions, culture, pornography and advertising bombard us with racial stereotypeslikely to have repercussions in the intimate sphere – romantic relationships are not always spared.
One day, Sékou comes across a confusing text message sent by his ex-girlfriend to a friend. She explained how, during their sexual intercourse, she came to enjoy thanks to her “animal power” and described sensations of “rare savagery”. At first flattered, he quickly realizes that this type of shortcut is just as frequent as it is problematic. “She was very surprised that I could quote Balzac, Césaire or Proust during our discussions.” When he tries to make her aware of it, the clichés rain even more: “She retorted that I was special because I expressed myself well and that I should take it for a compliment, since it is a rare quality at “we”.”
If these couples have long been taboo, even prohibited, their increase shows that the lines are moving. For some people, their trivialization would even be a ready-made solution to counter racism. Grace Ly prefers to fight in the name of the whole than for individual cases.
A hell paved with good intentions
As Robin Zheng points out, most discussions of racism in the private sphere “revolve around whether it is caused by negative racial stereotypes or not.” As if good intentions had the power to cancel out any discriminatory dimension and the consequences it implies on the people targeted. The pictures should be taken as compliments. Fetishization would only be a rather flattering matter of preference. Grace Ly believes that this conception is intended to be more moral than political. However, “racism is not about being mean or nice. Its consequences are political, economic and social. They can be felt even in the intimacy ”.
Although pornographic fantasies must be distinguished from interpersonal relationships, “it happens that some of these relationships are motivated by clichés or by the desire to conquer racialized bodies that are exoticized”, explains the Afro- feminist social worker at the helm of the blog The Restless Kitambala . To justify themselves, people do not hesitate to reduce this fetishization to a simple matter of taste, as well as a preference for blond hair or green eyes. This is how we end up with a Yann Moix who boasts of only going out with Asians and a Vincent Cassel explaining to be suffering from “jungle fever”to justify its exclusive attraction to black and mixed-race women.
A British arbitration responds in the negative, but several hundred people having a romance with objects support it.
“You have to love anyone, anything, anyhow, as long as you love” , exhorted Alexandre Dumas fils, in The ideas of Madame d’Aubray . For her part, Amanda Liberty loves an old light. But not like an antique dealer would be passionate about a Directoire psyche. No, this British thirty-something loves Lumière, a chandelier bought on eBay in 2016, as we love a spouse. To the point of wanting to marry her.
And this despite the misunderstanding, the taunts, and even recent British arbitration that attraction to objects does not constitute sexual orientation. A judgment rendered in a discrimination complaint filed by Amanda Liberty against the tabloid The Sun.
No legal recognition
The dispute dates back to December 18. That day, the tabloid from across the Channel published an article awarding several “prizes”. Among them: that of the hypocritical eco, of zero and… The “Dagenham Award (Two Stops Past Barking)”, “crazy price” in French, for which Amanda Liberty is named winner, in reference to her inclination.
Deeming herself stigmatized, Amanda Liberty appealed to an independent UK press arbitrator, IPSO , claiming that the Sun had violated its code of conduct. Specifically the 12 th clause , which requires the press that banish the “prejudicial or pejorative reference to the sexual orientation of an individual.”
IPSO dismissed Amanda Liberty’s complaint. On the grounds that attraction to a chandelier did not meet the definition of the Equality Act 2010 , a British anti-discrimination law, according to which “sexual orientation is the orientation of a person towards a person of the same sex , or of the opposite sex ” . IPSO therefore concluded that its code offered protection ” only to individuals in relation to persons, and not to objects” .
The “objectum sexuals”
A decision fraught with meaning for an entire community. Because as unusual as Amanda Liberty’s taste is, it is not an exception. Indeed, the Objectum-Sexuality International ( OS Internationale ) association now has some 400 members who declare themselves to be “objectum sexuals”, that is to say attracted by inanimate objects.
Erika Eiffel founded OS Internationale in 2008. This American archery champion deplores IPSO arbitration while recognizing its legitimacy “in the eyes of the law”. “I give my full support to Ms. Liberty because I know what it is,” she says. Erika LaBrie, her birth name, also believes she has been the victim of offensive media coverage. Which made him lose his companion: the Eiffel Tower.
“I was transported by the energy of its architecture”
She fell in love with him as another would have fallen in love with a youthful idol. “I had been fascinated by the tower since childhood, then overwhelmed when I first saw it. Its structure, its decades of history, the touch of Gustave Eiffel… ”
At first reluctant to “give her heart to a public building”, she took the plunge and in 2007 organized a “commitment ceremony” after which she adopted the name of the Iron Lady.
But a “biased” media coverage suddenly puts an end to the romance. “One day, I agreed to participate in a documentary about my affair, hoping that it would bring comfort to those who think they are alone, as I have long believed to be. “
Called Bride at the Eiffel Tower , the film would have “sexualized” her relationship while passing it off as a “mental degenerate” . This led the Eiffel Tower Exploitation Company (SETE) to “push back” it . Forced to break with the building, Erika Eiffel has had other adventures since. She is currently living a happy relationship with an object which, this time, does not belong to any national heritage.
Erika Eiffel’s story is surprising. But in general, the springs of attraction towards objects are not so extraordinary. As for many, the members of OS Internationale discovered their orientation at puberty, we learn on the association’s website. And, in the same way that a heterosexual would have a typical person, objectum sexuals would be seduced by objects with precise geometry or function.
Sexuality comes into relationships ” like an expression of love, like any couple,” says Erika Eiffel. Before adding that the expressions of affection between the partners could “take other forms” .
The exchange of tender words for example? Impossible in the strict sense. But many sexual objectum would manage to communicate through sensations. Which would allow “in general” to feel a reciprocal flame. Still, every moment of love can be disappointed. On this point, everyone is in the same boat. Including objectum sexuals, which would sometimes experience the throes of a one-sided passion.
To summarize my case, I am a 27 year old woman with autism and a disability (mainly neuro-motor). My sentimental and sexual life, it is even easier to shorten: non-existent, and this since my birth.
While my college mates enthusiastically talked about their night out, I was still imagining what it felt like to have a first kiss.
I was ashamed of it for a long time, thinking that no one would want me because of my peculiarities.
And then, two years ago, I discovered the world of fetishes and practices outside the norms. I also believed, like the majority of people, that it was limited to BDSM – which is far from being my cup of tea, given my phobia of violence. While digging a little, I discovered something that suited me perfectly: formicophilia.
As a child, I loved to feel the tickles of insects and the drool of snails on my arms, my tactile hypersensitivity probably had something to do with it!
In adulthood, this game began to take on an erotic dimension. Since “traditional” masturbation never attracted me more than that (it’s not for lack of trying!), I was content to let the ants wander over my naked body (the country house of my grown-ups). parents being the ideal setting). For fear of potential illnesses, I did not dare to go any further.
How can I talk about it to my future partner without being embarrassed or disgusted?
Formicophilia is indeed a known paraphilia, although not very widespread. There are two things to consider when deciding to talk to a partner.
Some people have a loathing or phobia of insects. We can therefore assume that the sexual aspect of your relationship with insects is incomprehensible to them.
On the other hand, formicophilia is a form of bestiality and therefore implies the impossibility of informed or understandable consent by human beings. It is in this sense that a part of the people may consider it reprehensible.
These are the two elements that can be opposed to you and against which, it seems to me, there is little possible argument.
Regarding paraphilias, I want to clarify one thing: they are not a problem if they are performed with consenting people in a secure setting. Several practices are punishable by law when they unwittingly use non-consenting people or take place in public places. It is quite possible to experience your paraphilia legally.
I would also tend to say that they can be considered personal, that is to say that finding a partner to share them with whom one has a sentimental implication is very rare. Exhibitionists, fetishists, frotteurists, voyeurists but also coprophiles, urophiles, emetophiles and clysterophiles often live their passions outside the sentimental circle.
Either it is possible to integrate into a group or a community which understands these feelings: the social network FetLife seems to me to be a good start to make this type of meetings, provided to be very clear in its presentation of profile. It is also the way to take advantage of knowledge that can only be acquired with experience.
Either you can do your experiments on your own, for example by recording them to develop, almost scientifically, a method which is the most optimal for making you achieve pleasure. These documents and texts can also serve as a masturbatory support when you are not practicing.
I want to clarify that in the case of paraphilias, the time of fantasy and organization is sometimes as important as the moment itself. Anticipation can and should be a big part of increasing your enjoyment. Firstly because it seems to me extremely complicated, as in a large number of paraphilias, that your practices take a daily or weekly part in your life – mainly for organizational reasons -, and secondly because the he psychological aspect of your paraphilia should be taken into account.
As for the sensations that are pleasing to you, I suggest that you think about ways to reproduce them without the use of insects. Objects, such as a head massage tool or a Wartenberg caster, can cause sensations on the skin that you might be satisfied with. It is up to you, again, to experiment and record them to understand and optimize your pleasure.
To come back to the question that interests you, I think that these objects and their use could very well be involved in the sexual setting with a partner, without the latter being offended.
You have no reason to be ashamed of your inclinations. But you need to get to know yourself before you think about sharing your experiences with someone you have a romantic relationship with. It will be more difficult for you to explain and therefore to understand if you do not first master the ins and outs of your paraphilia.
As I explained previously, you can decide to do it alone or to be accompanied by people who share your tastes. When you know more precisely what gives you pleasure and how to obtain it concretely, it will be easier for you to share this part of your personality with someone you love.