To summarize my case, I am a 27 year old woman with autism and a disability (mainly neuro-motor). My sentimental and sexual life, it is even easier to shorten: non-existent, and this since my birth.
While my college mates enthusiastically talked about their night out, I was still imagining what it felt like to have a first kiss.
I was ashamed of it for a long time, thinking that no one would want me because of my peculiarities.
And then, two years ago, I discovered the world of fetishes and practices outside the norms. I also believed, like the majority of people, that it was limited to BDSM – which is far from being my cup of tea, given my phobia of violence. While digging a little, I discovered something that suited me perfectly: formicophilia.
As a child, I loved to feel the tickles of insects and the drool of snails on my arms, my tactile hypersensitivity probably had something to do with it!
In adulthood, this game began to take on an erotic dimension. Since “traditional” masturbation never attracted me more than that (it’s not for lack of trying!), I was content to let the ants wander over my naked body (the country house of my grown-ups). parents being the ideal setting). For fear of potential illnesses, I did not dare to go any further.
How can I talk about it to my future partner without being embarrassed or disgusted?
Formicophilia is indeed a known paraphilia, although not very widespread. There are two things to consider when deciding to talk to a partner.
Some people have a loathing or phobia of insects. We can therefore assume that the sexual aspect of your relationship with insects is incomprehensible to them.
On the other hand, formicophilia is a form of bestiality and therefore implies the impossibility of informed or understandable consent by human beings. It is in this sense that a part of the people may consider it reprehensible.
These are the two elements that can be opposed to you and against which, it seems to me, there is little possible argument.
Regarding paraphilias, I want to clarify one thing: they are not a problem if they are performed with consenting people in a secure setting. Several practices are punishable by law when they unwittingly use non-consenting people or take place in public places. It is quite possible to experience your paraphilia legally.
I would also tend to say that they can be considered personal, that is to say that finding a partner to share them with whom one has a sentimental implication is very rare. Exhibitionists, fetishists, frotteurists, voyeurists but also coprophiles, urophiles, emetophiles and clysterophiles often live their passions outside the sentimental circle.
Either it is possible to integrate into a group or a community which understands these feelings: the social network FetLife seems to me to be a good start to make this type of meetings, provided to be very clear in its presentation of profile. It is also the way to take advantage of knowledge that can only be acquired with experience.
Either you can do your experiments on your own, for example by recording them to develop, almost scientifically, a method which is the most optimal for making you achieve pleasure. These documents and texts can also serve as a masturbatory support when you are not practicing.
I want to clarify that in the case of paraphilias, the time of fantasy and organization is sometimes as important as the moment itself. Anticipation can and should be a big part of increasing your enjoyment. Firstly because it seems to me extremely complicated, as in a large number of paraphilias, that your practices take a daily or weekly part in your life – mainly for organizational reasons -, and secondly because the he psychological aspect of your paraphilia should be taken into account.
As for the sensations that are pleasing to you, I suggest that you think about ways to reproduce them without the use of insects. Objects, such as a head massage tool or a Wartenberg caster, can cause sensations on the skin that you might be satisfied with. It is up to you, again, to experiment and record them to understand and optimize your pleasure.
To come back to the question that interests you, I think that these objects and their use could very well be involved in the sexual setting with a partner, without the latter being offended.
You have no reason to be ashamed of your inclinations. But you need to get to know yourself before you think about sharing your experiences with someone you have a romantic relationship with. It will be more difficult for you to explain and therefore to understand if you do not first master the ins and outs of your paraphilia.
As I explained previously, you can decide to do it alone or to be accompanied by people who share your tastes. When you know more precisely what gives you pleasure and how to obtain it concretely, it will be easier for you to share this part of your personality with someone you love.