This week, Lucile advises Manu, a man whose taste for layers and woolen clothes threatens marriage.
Well here is my unusual story. Since I was little, around 8 I think, I have been drawn to diapers and woolen clothes. I remember adoring watching other children wear diapers, then one day I saw diapers for adults in the La Redoute catalog and there, it made me want to try … So I had a lot of happiness to look at these catalog pages. Over time, I learned more and with the internet in addition, I discovered a whole world that attracted me.
With my parents around 12-13 years old, I sometimes stole diapers for the children that my mother kept, I put them on in secret. Then I also tried on my mother’s woolen tights etc. I felt like in a cocoon, great, very comfortable and exciting…
Installed alone in my apartment, I was able to buy diapers in the supermarket and spend the evenings in this diaper. I also went to thrift stores on Saturday mornings to find woolen tights or pants. It often happened to me to spend evenings and days at home thus dressed. It was my favorite hobby.
My dream was to be able to be dressed in wool (not necessarily in a diaper, though…) in life… But that’s not possible, too shameful. I would be ashamed of it actually. So I was doing this in secret, in secret from everyone, except maybe my neighbors who could have seen me on the balcony …
I was fine in this state, so much so that I didn’t even have a girlfriend and when I did I cut the relationship short because I had a need for a return to diapers and wool, and I didn’t. Didn’t want my girlfriend to find out and if we were to live together I should have stopped everything… And that I couldn’t.
So I had my first sexual relationship at 27. I met my wife at 32, we got married at 35. I told her at the beginning of my interest in diapers, she is a nurse, one day I even asked her to bring me back from the hospital, which she did. I even showed him my woolen clothes. It didn’t bother her.
Then one day I asked her if I could put me in bed, she said yes but I could see she was distant afterwards, as if uncomfortable, which I understand. I never did it again in front of her.
When she came to live with me, I was happy but I suffered from having to stop my daily wellness habits. In short, I had to have a normal life …
Over time, my frustration grew, I was not well, I could not get closer to my wife because she did not like that I was in wool, she allowed me but I had some need every day. Suddenly, she lost her desire for me, and me for her … Vicious circle.
I continued to dress in wool at night every now and then (no diapers) during these years. Then in March 2014, she told me she wanted to leave. She left in July 2014. In the meantime, I learned that she had cheated on me for a year and a half …
I resumed my good old habits. Every evening, diapers and wool, even on holidays: a great and pure happiness! Then, after a few months, my wife made me understand that she wanted to come back, told me that I was like that but that I was the man of her life, that she could not live without me.
So she came back in July 2015, I believed that she would accept me like that and that I could be myself, I even imagined how much it would help me to get closer to her. I was so grateful, my love for her would grow.
Instead, nothing. On the contrary, she doesn’t want to hear any more about it… We followed couples therapy. I was pointed out, of course: in short, I have to stop all this.
I was wrong, I believed in the dream, I have the impression of having been fooled. Today, I can no longer speak with her, I am frustrated, embittered, irritable, I suffer to the point of wanting to end my life. I can’t get any closer to her, we’ve only had one sexual encounter since she came back …
I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel that I should stop everything but I can’t do it, I think about it all the time: consulting websites, I put myself in a diaper and in wool as soon as I am alone, I am always looking for moments alone …
It is becoming more and more of an obsession. I would have to get it all out of my head because it’s what everyone wants but I love it (it’s not alcohol or drugs, right?). Is it possible to remove this? And how? And will I miss it?
Please help me. I am lost, very unhappy; I can’t seem to talk about it. What should I do? Thank you so much.
No, your “thing” is neither alcohol nor drugs and you do not harm small animals or children. Under these conditions and in the limit where you do not impose your passion on anyone, I do not see why you should be ashamed of it, repress it or hide yourself.
That would probably not be the answer a shrink would give you, who could find under the guise of hours of therapy a deep reason for your inclinations, with the aim of making you fall into an “acceptable standard”.
Personally, I believe that if this situation gets worse and you become obsessed with it, it is because you are cornered and you feel like you have to restrict yourself. It’s the same process as the diet phases, when you deprive yourself of something, you end up thinking only of that. So all you have to do is learn to be reasonable.
Why not suggest that your wife leave you a secret garden, a time, a moment, a place, where only you can indulge your pleasures? Satisfied and with the feeling of being accepted, you might finally start to appreciate your relationship with her again.
If you were passionate about pétanque and the sport bored her, she would see no harm in you practicing alone, in your free time, why not accept this element of your personality as one would accept a passion or a hobby which we do not share the taste?
What bothers me is that while she can’t live without you, she makes a point of changing you. And thereby to torture you. In your case, I don’t believe in guilt. I believe that under these unhealthy conditions the obsession will only get worse. But in the acceptance, yes, maybe I see a salvation.
For her, for love, you could decide to change in violence. Or you could also learn to accept yourself, measure, enjoy, and then love again. If those close to you are not ready to hear how much pain you are in, do not hesitate to search the internet for people who share your tastes. In their testimonies, you may find the way.
You are not alone against the rest of the world, Manu. And don’t let yourself be changed if you don’t feel like changing. You don’t hurt, no one has to hurt you. Listen to your heart and protect yourself.